Saturday, March 15, 2008

I want to be a better me..

My conversation with Mr.Hubby last few days kept haunting me. We were not discussing any big issue,in fact it was just a normal conversation..manja manja conversation but somehow it was really bothering me. It makes me thinking again and again..finding the truth, sorting for a logical reason behind those words that he had expressed.. The conversation went on like this:

It was at night & I was getting to bed while Mr.Hubby was at the computer, making sure that he is kept updated with the last general election news.. Suddenly I felt some sort of painful bloating in my upper stomach, so I hunched to him..

Me : Syg..tolong tepuk belakang I ni jap..sakit lah. Tetiba je.. Angin kot..
Mr.Hubby : Naper plak ni??

Then , he tapped 4 or 5 times on my back, but still with his eyes on the computer screen.. while mumbling this..

Mr.Hubby : Pegi ambik losyen halia, sapu belakang..takpun gi minum air suam...kejap lagi hilang lah tu..
Me : Syg ni,mintak tolong pun buat acuh tak acuh je..takpe lah. I can do it on my own..
(walked away with kind of dissapointment feeling..rasa macam ishh tak leh harap betul lah)

I was not expecting any reply or indeed I was hoping that he will persuade me..but this is what happened,

Mr.Hubby : lagi teruk..Kalau I sakit, langsung buat tak dengar je..Suruh urut sikit pun tak buat.. (than he just let me walking back to the room whilst he continued browsing)

I was thinking & did a self inner-talking , is it true what he said? When & how many times on earth did he fell sick compared to myself? (he is lucky enough, thank God,he is very very seldom sick) Macam mana aku nak urut if I have so tiny fingers to put a 'rubbing force' on his 'fleshful' (hahaha) body? I do rub his nose & chest with Vicks everytime he got a flu..which is only 2 or 3 times a year.. I do offer him warm water whenever he is uncomfortable with his roundy stomach..(ahaha again).. It's true that he is there most of the time I fell sick, but my case is different..i got a severe pain which obviously need a help..i couldn't even walk, couldn't stand sometimes..of course he must do something.. So,is it fair for him to say such words to me????

I don't care much if he's wrong..I assume that he mistakenly thought about me..Well,everybody do that! But how about if he is right? that I don't care & nurture him the way I'm supposed to do? I don't want that to be happened.. truly..

Still having this confusion in my mind, I stepped into the MPH today..actually without any specific purpose..but hoping to get some guides.. Until my eyes caught a book..I know this book, it is one the bestseller titles. Flipped a few pages, and now it's with me on the bed. MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS by John Gray.

Just finished reading Chapter 2.. The more I read, the more I regret of being the all-this-while me.. I always thought that I've done great, but oppositely I'm wrong.. I thought I'm building up our relationship, but on the other hand, i'm kind of ruining it. I thought our love has increased by day,on the contrary it may diminish within minutes.. Sounds like telur di hujung tanduk right?? Not la..not as bad as that... Cuma, sometimes, my point is.. we think we have delivered the best.. but in reality, we can be better than that.. Not just wife, husband too..of course.

We often forgot that we are from a different planets & were supposed to be different, indeed. It's getting worse when one day, everything we had learned about our differences was erased from memory..and since that day, man & woman have been in conflict..

I quote from the book:

Without the awareness that we supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other.We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have forgottenthis important truth.We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves.We desire them to "want what we want" and "feel the way we feel".

We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone.This attitude sets us up to be dissappointed again and again and prevent us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our differences.

Men mistakenly expect women to think,communicate and react the way men do;women mistakenly expect men to feel,communicate and respond the way women do.We have forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different.As a result our relationships are filled with unnecessary friction and conflict.

I hate conflicts..and I decided,before it happens..i want by all means,avoiding it from happen. We are happy now, and I want us to be 'happier' along with time.. May we find ways on how to achieve that... only one problem now,how could i persuade Mr.Hubby to read this book so that he manage to improve things he supposed to improve? urghhhh...


Hanum said...

Then.. I recomend u to read "Venus & Mars Together Forever"... got that book masa aku baru2 kawen dulu. It helps...

chujie said...

thanks num..will get one soon after i finish this.


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