Monday, August 17, 2009

I'm DOWN!!!!...but only in few days..

You know I've been trying everything (most of everything)
to be called a mom-to-be...
And the last treatment I got, makes me 90% sure of its success...
With the doc's said that's nothing's wrong with me now..
everything is just like new..
tapi
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
saya menyesal!!!!
kerana

Right a week after the injection,
I started to feel period-like cramp around my lower abdomen
Saya teringat email kawan saya
(she get pregnant after 7 months of surgery)
she did tell me about the cramp she got in her early pregnancy
which made her to go & see the doctor..
and that is why I feel regret!!
Saya buat derrrkkkkk je about that cramp
sebab fikir saya, kalau pregnant pun, buat macam biasa..
don't make it too noticeable
(itu juga advice from some of my friends..)
Doktor cakap, tunggu period due date which is on the 17th,
and if by 20th still Cik P doesn't visit,
go for the UPT!!
that's what I was planning to do..
until
.
.
.
.
.
.
one sad day came
.
.
.
.
.
I woke up from bed, and that cramp is no more
I started feeling awkward
and there it came when I was having a shower..
DAMMMMNNNNNNN
terduduk jap atas toilet bowl..
My heart said, "what else I need to do?"
and the whole day is just a sighing day
to me & my darling Mr.Hubby

I am not a type of easy-giving-up person
I went to a pharmacy and get myself a UPT
saya harap2 saya bunting pelanduk
(pregnant tapi period macam biasa)
but again I was soooooooo wrong
NEGATIVE
I waited
10 mins
15 mins
20 mins
there was only 1 single line

I tried not to think about anything
My mind is free
soo free until I turned blurr & blank that day
but no tears
(bergenang sikit ada lah, itupun sebab tengok Mr.Hubby
tak tahu nak cakap apa to console my dissapointment..)
Senyap
Sunyi
Sepi

but it doesn't take that long
after I give a thought to The Creator
Subhanallah
MasyaAllah
ini iradatMu tuhanku
aku akan tetap menunggu tanpa jemu

One thing for sure
I love Mr.Hubby eternally
and I just knew, he loves me unconditionally
our love is stronger
despite our 'monthly dissappointment'
yes, if only I went earlier to see the Dr Marsita
maybe there's 'him/her' inside me
so we could save him/her to stay longer inside me
but, if Allah wants that to happen
it will happen
if not..
NO MORE QUESTIONS!!!

8 comments:

Zawiyah said...

ujie...bykkan bersabar...kita hanya mampu merancang dan berusaha..selebihnya kita serahkan pada Allah Maha Pencipta..kita sama2 melalui episod ujian ini. dan semestinya kita antara insan yang terpilih untuk melalui ujian ini. teruskan berusaha.

shila said...

InsyaAllah...rebound stronger than before...always doakan the best for u in life..

Hanum said...

aku jugak menangis tanpa air mata... i'm down with u too my dear... down again this month... :(

naqliyah said...

ujie...so touching to read this entry.ina yakin anugerahNya buat ujie akan tiba. ganjaran di atas kesabaran,kecekalan & ketabahan mu !!!

aS_c0mei said...

salam kak.

saya pon sama macam akak "monthly dissapointment".sabar je lah yg saya paling mampu buat.sume keje Allah....

memang tak terungkap dgn kata-kata perasaan tu.sedih tu tak boleh nak digambarkan.kecewa apatah lagi.

tapi,hanya Allah yang tahu bila masa yang sesuai utk kita dapat baby.macam-macam usaha kita buat tp Allah yang tentukan...

insyaAllah,akan sampai rezeki kita nanti ya kak......amin.skrang saya ada makan supplement USANA,saya harap ada la peluang untuk dapat baby disamping jaga kesihatan...

sori kak,panjang lebar pulak komen.akak take care ye.semoga akak sentiasa tabah....

chujie said...

tq very much as_comei..akak x tau nama sebenar ni..

try la usana tu,akak dgr produk2 dia bagus..benda elok kan,utk tubuh badan kita jugak,ye tak..

xpe,nk komen buat essay pun akak suka..hehehe..

semoga kita berjaya ye..

aS_c0mei said...

hihihi..panggil je saya as...comei tu gedik2 je.wakakakak...

insyaAllah kak.semoga kita berjaya dapatkan baby!Amin.....

Selamat berpuasa kak....

FUZZY said...

salam ujie..
mmg dh xda xcuse apa lg kt nk pikir as y we r not "mummy' yet..

juz last wknd mak bgtau.. "aritu omak jumpa kak zarah, rupo eh ngandung 8bln, mak tanyo la doc mano dio poe.. zarah ckp xgi mano2 makngah, berdoa yo la mintak botul2 kat DIO".. FYI, my cusen preg after 16y marriage..

my bestie from sch preg after 13y marriage, n aqil is 9mths now..

so, whn i ask abg about "his rite".. he said, if baby is not meant for us yet, what most important is "us".. nothin wrong wit us, juz timing.. hukhukhuk sedey kan.. lov u lah hunn! nxyr will be our 10th year.. aminnn

so ujie, zaidan lov u no matter wat :-) muahhsss!

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