I'm DOWN!!!!...but only in few days..

You know I've been trying everything (most of everything)

to be called a mom-to-be...

And the last treatment I got, makes me 90% sure of its success...

With the doc's said that's nothing's wrong with me now..

everything is just like new..

tapi

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saya menyesal!!!!

kerana

Right a week after the injection,

I started to feel period-like cramp around my lower abdomen

Saya teringat email kawan saya

(she get pregnant after 7 months of surgery)

she did tell me about the cramp she got in her early pregnancy

which made her to go & see the doctor..

and that is why I feel regret!!

Saya buat derrrkkkkk je about that cramp

sebab fikir saya, kalau pregnant pun, buat macam biasa..

don't make it too noticeable

(itu juga advice from some of my friends..)

Doktor cakap, tunggu period due date which is on the 17th,

and if by 20th still Cik P doesn't visit,

go for the UPT!!

that's what I was planning to do..

until

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one sad day came

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I woke up from bed, and that cramp is no more

I started feeling awkward

and there it came when I was having a shower..

DAMMMMNNNNNNN

terduduk jap atas toilet bowl..

My heart said, "what else I need to do?"

and the whole day is just a sighing day

to me & my darling Mr.Hubby

I am not a type of easy-giving-up person

I went to a pharmacy and get myself a UPT

saya harap2 saya bunting pelanduk

(pregnant tapi period macam biasa)

but again I was soooooooo wrong

NEGATIVE

I waited

10 mins

15 mins

20 mins

there was only 1 single line

I tried not to think about anything

My mind is free

soo free until I turned blurr & blank that day

but no tears

(bergenang sikit ada lah, itupun sebab tengok Mr.Hubby

tak tahu nak cakap apa to console my dissapointment..)

Senyap

Sunyi

Sepi

but it doesn't take that long

after I give a thought to The Creator

Subhanallah

MasyaAllah

ini iradatMu tuhanku

aku akan tetap menunggu tanpa jemu

One thing for sure

I love Mr.Hubby eternally

and I just knew, he loves me unconditionally

our love is stronger

despite our 'monthly dissappointment'

yes, if only I went earlier to see the Dr Marsita

maybe there's 'him/her' inside me

so we could save him/her to stay longer inside me

but, if Allah wants that to happen

it will happen

if not..

NO MORE QUESTIONS!!!