Martians vs. Venusians..Part 1

From the book;

The 2 most common mistakes we make in a relationship;

• A man tries to change a woman's feelings when she is upset by becoming Mr.Fix-It & offering solutions to her problems that invalidate her feelings.

My comment: Ehmmm....Yes.Sometimes I feel so.He just didn't listen & seems cannot understand.He lacks of empathy.

• A woman tries to change a man's behavior when he makes mistakes by becoming the Home-Improvement Committee & offering unsolicited advice & criticism.

My comment: OMG!I didn't realized it.It's my habit.All the time.I thought it's a good thing to do,all this while...and he never said that he hates it,so I used to think I might just keep on telling (or in fact insisting) him to do this & that,according to my standards...Arghh...I made a mistake!

Well,according to John Gray,it's ok to be Mr.fix-It or Home-Improvement Committee,but it is very much depends on the TIMING & APPROACH.A woman greatly appreciates Mr.Fix-It,as long as it doesn't come out when she is upset.Means,Mr.Hubby need to remember that when I'm upset & talk about problems,it's not the time to offer solutions;instead I just need to be listened,notto be fixed.In that way,I will be better by my own.Hehehe......

Whilst,a man greatly appreciates the Home-Improvement Committee,as long as it is requested.Means,I need to remember that,unsolicited advice & criticism-especially if he has made a mistake-will only make him feel unloved & controlled.(ohhh...poor my dearie).In fact,he needs my acceptance more than my advice (oh God,can I really change this attitude??)in order for him to learnfrom his mistakes.And one truth about this,when a man feels that a woman is not trying to improve him,he is much more likely to ask for her feedback and advice.(ohhh how sweet!!)

WHEN OUR PARTNET RESISTS US,IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE WE HAVE MADE A MISTAKE IN OUR TIMING & APPROACH

He gives examples of few statements that a man/woman might make that will lead to resistance between each other.

WHEN A WOMAN RESISTS A MAN'S SOLUTION (when a man says.....)

1. "It's not such a big deal." (he always take little things for granted)
2. "Ok,I'm sorry.Now can we just forget it?" (i think he just want to stop argument,instead of solving it)
3. "So what are you trying to say?" (in other words, come-on,you are wasting my time)
4. "All right,I'll clean-up the backyard.Does that make you happy?" (no sincerity)
5. "If you are going to complaint about doing it,then don't do it." (kita ni takleh bangkang langsung)

WHEN A MAN RESISTS A HOME-IMPROVEMENT COMMITTEE (when a woman says....) I don't understand in some of the examples here,I mean,I did honestly ask Mr.Hubby & he said,he's ok with most of the statements..

1. "You hair is getting kind of long,isn't it?" (Aiii..ni pun takleh tanya ke?)
2. "There's a parking spot over there.Turn the car around." (i think this a nice help & Mr.Hubby is always hoping for this..)
3. "You should call a plumber.He'll know what to do." (haa..this one might be true.he possibly feels being mistrusted in doing/fixing things)
4. "Next time we should read the movie review." (he will feel unappreciated)
5. "Your shirt doesn't match with your pants." (Well,Mr.Hubby is kind of be thankful to me by saying this..)

..and a few other examples more.Maybe I should read in more details in the coming chapters. For the time being,a cup of Chamomile Tea will give me a pure relaxation....ehmmmm....